


Swear to Yourself You'll Be Fine

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Category: Houdini & Doyle (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Gen, Light Angst, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adelaide had promised him nothing. He had promised her nothing. They had nothing; they were nothing. Friends! Yes! But of course <i>friends </i>wasn't the thing that put ice into his stomach, and made him struggle to form a smile.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Spoilers for 1x09.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swear to Yourself You'll Be Fine

**Author's Note:**

> I cried, folks.

He had known that he had made a horrible mistake the moment after their lips separated. He hadn't even begun to imagine the ramifications that would come from it, however; one minute, his nerves were buzzing and his heart aching and his throat burning after every gulp he'd taken and then he was kissing her, perfect and bliss and so fucking _awkward_ but it felt right, it felt good, she had leaned in to kiss him in return and for a moment, everything else that was happening wasn't happening and he was _fine_ , they were fine. The next moment, Adelaide was telling him and Doyle that Benjamin was alive, and everything that had happened was suddenly more horrible than he had originally thought. Harry had finally allowed himself to dip into the bubbling mass of emotion boiling away beneath his skin and Adelaide's husband was still alive.

He thought he might have been in shock. He laughed about it instead.

"Oh, hey, hey!" Harry grabbed at the door frame as Adelaide walked by. "Hang on."

Adelaide paused in the hallway, and doubled back to him. "Yes?"

It had been awkward ever since she had told them; the past twenty-four hours had been such a mess, and Houdini didn't want to think about it. "I wanted to give this back."

Adelaide followed him warily into his room. It was like she expected him to snap at her, hackles raised like the proverbial hound ready to attack or run. Houdini wasn't sure that Adelaide knew which one she wanted to do. Maybe neither. Maybe both. Maybe she expected him to lunge for her and crash his lips against hers again. Maybe it didn't matter.

Harry threw his case open and dug for a moment, pulling the book from where it was safely nestled into the bottom of the case beneath his shirts. "Here," he said, crossing the room and holding it out to her. " _Tom Sawyer_. Your husband's favourite book, right? Looks like he'll be needing it back." He flipped open a few pages, pulling the bookmark free. "I intended to read it on the ship, but..." He hadn't been able to concentrate on the words. He flicked his hand dismissively, and waved the book at her.

She didn't take it. She was just looking at it with a mixture of... horror and sadness, maybe? _Join the club_ , Houdini thought wryly, but no, _no_. He had no right to think that. Adelaide had promised him nothing. He had promised her nothing. They had nothing; they were nothing. Friends! Yes! But of course _friends_ wasn't the thing that put ice into his stomach, and made him struggle to form a smile. But he had to, had to keep smiling, because of the _friends_. She was his friend. And despite everything that had happened, Houdini didn't want to lose that last little bit of companionship. He needed that. He wouldn't admit it, but he did.

"You..." Adelaide tore her eyes away from the book, and up to Harry's eyes. Half of him melted, ridiculous as it was, that he still was in love with her knowing that he could not have her. And it wasn't even the thrill of _wanting_ her because he _couldn't_ have her; it was just... genuine. The half that wasn't cheering at having her gaze locked into his was probably dying. He tried not to pay attention to that part. Adelaide swallowed, and her fingers pressed at the book, pushing it back towards him. "You can read it. Benjamin isn't even... well, he's not here right now."

Shaking his head, he pushed the book back at her. "Don't worry about it. It's his book, right? I'm sure I have a copy." She didn't make a move to take it, so he pressed it into her hands without waiting any longer. "No big deal!"

Adelaide was still looking at him, and was beginning to look at him too closely. Like the way that she had looked at him before he had tasted her lips on his, but knowing what they knew now, Harry couldn't let her look at him like that. It wouldn't end well. Not for him. Not for her. _(But at least she has Benjamin. Who do you have? You don't even have Ma anymore.)_

"Harry..."

The use of his first name jerked him away from her immediate space, looking for anything else to do in the meantime. He settled on fixing the drapes to open his window, breathing in deeply as the air blasted into his face. "No, it's fine. It's just a book," he said, and he didn't need to pretend to smile when his back was to her.

"Houdini. I'm _sorry_." She sounded as heartbroken as he felt. _Impossible_. Her husband was still alive; she was supposed to be happy, and Harry was supposed to be happy for her.

Now he plastered on the smile and spun around, holding out his hands. "I've read it before! I'm sure it hasn't changed since then."

Adelaide's lips pursed like she was about to say something else that he definitely did not want to hear, but he was spared by the call of his name from down the hall. Doyle. For once in his life, the man had good timing.

He heaved a put-upon, long-suffering sigh. "And here we go again. He probably saw his own reflection again," he joked, and brushed past Adelaide to the doorway. "Then again, we know how scary that can be. Coming?" he asked lightly, as gently as he could.

She did not turn to look at him. "Um. Yes, I'll be right behind you."

For a moment, Harry paused. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him, yeah, but it definitely wasn't fair to her. She had been under the impression that her husband was dead. She had been trying to get past that. She had _maybe_ been falling in love with someone else (him, nonetheless!), and now Benjamin had come back and thrown a wrench into everyone's lives. It was supposed to be a good thing... so why had they all gotten so solemn?

Wallowing in self pity was selfish. He was trying not to do it. He was doing a poor job. Ugh... he needed a drink. He jammed his hand against his forehead and spun around, clapping his hand on Adelaide's shoulder. She jumped. He almost cringed away. But he didn't. No wallowing. Get back to living, right? They were better as friends. "Don't worry, Addie! He'll be back before you know it. I'm sure of it."

"Y-Yeah." Adelaide's head bowed in a nod, and she turned and smiled at him. She looked so tired. "I'm sure he will." Her fingers clutched tightly at the book she held to her chest, and then looked at the hallway. "Shall we see what Dr Doyle needs?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah. He wouldn't get by without us, would he?" He gestured to the hallway and allowed her to walk ahead and only when he was certain that she wasn't going to look back at him, he allowed the smile to slip from his face again.

Pretending was exhausting. Harry was already drained.

 

**Author's Note:**

> He's trying so hard. 
> 
> Please direct your hugs to one Mr Harry Houdini; Mr I'm Not Upset with You I'm Upset with Myself and It Makes Me Feel So Much Worse but Let Me Laugh it Off
> 
> Reminder that I am a FOX viewer, and have not seen the finale!
> 
> I do not own _Houdini and Doyle_. Thanks for reading!


End file.
